In Writing it’s all about Showing - Not Telling

It’s one of the very first admonishments new writers are told. Show, don’t tell! One of the best ways to show action, emotion, desperation, and information all at once is through a well-crafted scene rooted in dialogue. Usually the scene is constructed using a combination of narration, introspection, and dialogue.

But can one do it using dialogue alone? For any writer, reader too, it is a fine exercise to try. Stripping a scene to the dialogue core. A good scene conveys conflict, action, information in multi-dimensional ways like revealing character traits, intelligence of the characters, motivations, and backgrounds, just to name a few details.

One of best ‘show not tell’ writers I have read was Leonard Bishop (1922-2002). It was in his writing group that he critiqued my writing as if he was haggling over the price of a garment. “Demonstrate what you’re writing, for crying out loud! With dialogue, not some cockamamie introspection.” He would admonish, in his singularly loving style. But his analyses always left me feeling empowered, as if I had been granted some gnostic revelation powering my writing to greater effectiveness.

Bishop’s first novel, Down All Your Streets, is a bruiser of a story. A daunting read of over six hundred and seventy pages, it’s filled with powerful narrative, and active dialogue that seriously leaps into the reader’s imagination as if Bishop takes the reader on as a participant in the story. Down All Your Streets combines elements of classic American noir with the tradition of tragedy. It reads like a time machine one could visit depression era New York in the 1930s.  

But crafting a scene off of dialogue alone? I took a reading from Bishop’s first novel stripping out the few moments of introspection. Let’s see what we have: 

“Someone after you Stan?”

“No, I got a deal cookin’ and I want you in on it. Only you.”

“Boy! What’s it Stan? A car job or a candy store?”

“Cut that George Raft crap, Mutty…”

“I was just askin’ Stan. Don’t get sore.”

“What’s this in my hand?”

“Cheez Stan, where’d you get it?”

“Just relax and I’ll tell you.”

“Boy there must be a thousand in it, at least.”

“Only a hundred. And I want you to hold it for me.”

“Sure Stan, anything you ask.”

“Pay attention to what you should do with it. And get it straight, see.”

“I’m listening Stan, very close.”

“I’m gonna throw this fight see. Now shut up, I know what I’m doing. It’s not any crookeder than your heisting tires with Chinky’s mob. So no back talk see.”

“I wasn’t gonna say nothin’ Stan.”

“O.K. now this hundred is my dough and I want you to bet it for me. Only you gotta do it smart and be careful with the bookies I tell you to bet it with, get me?”

“Sure, Stan, only how’ll I know what to do?”

“Look, schmuck, I’ll be able to tell you if you shut up… Look, Mutty, this is serious. You want me to get killed?”

“No, Stan, that should never happen. Not to you.”

“So O.K., just listen close. I’m goin’ ta lose in the third round. About halfway through, so it looks good. I’ll fight, like always, so no one gets wise, but in the third, I’ll kinda get tired, understand?”

“Yeah Stan, like you can’t fight no more.”

“Right. Now, there’s three guys I want you to lay the bets with. Only three. Tony, Al, and Yitska. I’ll show you where they hang out, so’s you’ll remember who they are and what they look like.”

“I make the bets with them, that’s what you mean.”

“That’s all. Only you gotta do it in a certain way, or it ain’t no good. They gotta ask you, see.”

“How should I do it, Stan, if not like I wanted to bet because I had a hunch?”

“A good question, Mutty. Shows me you have a good head on your shoulders. All you gotta do is stand around where these three guys can see you. You gotta wear your best suit that night. Look rich, you know what I mean?”

“Sure, you mean that blue one with the fat stripes and that classy white shirt Lefty gived me before he got picked up.”

“Yeah. Only don’t look wise, like you’re a smart guy. Just easy going kinda dumb, you know how.”

“Yeah. Like I didn’t care, only I could be talked into it.”

“That’s right on the button. And when they ask you to bet, get a marker.”

“What’s a marker?”

“That’s the important thing. A slip of paper he gives you so you can collect your bet.”

“You think I can do it Stan?”

“Do you want me to get killed?”

“Geeze Stan, not you.”

“Then you’ll do it right, don’t worry.”

“That’s all?”